Then I thought why not just repaint the calipers, properly channel my inner 19 year old car owner self? Nothing to lose, aside from two calipers, which, being honest, I'm open to admitting I'm a little snobbish about putting back on in this state.
Front:
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Rear:
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I've seen a few Shimano brake calipers around this era looking like this, even some later/higher models like Ultegra. Terrible paint? Poor prep? Bad metal? Poor maintenance? Dunno. It's not salted roads here, that's for sure.
Based on the video below, I know what should be in them once they're apart. There is a window later this month of a weekends access to a sandblast setup with beads or soda to get them cleaned up.